*Post disclaimers: I wrote this post in light of what I had been "noodling" on over the last season, but after I had written the "first edition" of this article, I was concerned that it sounded more like a "sob-story" and that it appeared I was simply expressing myself, asking for pity. Thus, this disclaimer, at the wise suggestion of my sister (Thank you, Olivia).
First, if you read this article and it sounds only too familiar because you are in the caretaking season, I want this post to be an encouragement to you. I want you to be reminded that you are not alone, that others are walking this road with you, that caretaking is very hard, that Christ has sovereign control over your life and seasons, that there are great spiritual blessings for your service, and that there is a crown of glory awaiting you for your faithfulness. And if you want to reach out to me as a fellow caretaker, please do so.
Secondly, for those of you who are reading this article but who are not in a season of caretaking, to help you (perhaps) understand, to a degree, what others, who are caretakers, are going through. We do not compare pain, but we are called to bear the burdens of others, and so if this helps you gain a better understanding of the season that someone in your life is in, I am glad. And I hope that you will walk in that understanding by taking a few minutes to send a note of encouragement, drop off some muffins, or simply pray for them.
As I mentioned in the last Family Update post, my grandmother moved in with us at the end of April. Though family began the caretaking journey over five years ago, a good part of that time, my grandmother lived a few hours away from us. Although my mom was highly involved in her care, it was in a long-distance way, with regular visits, as my aunt and uncle lived just minutes from Grandma. When my aunt passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago, we knew that life was over as we knew it, and within a month of her passing, I began to clean out and pack up Grandma's home with the view to sell it with the understanding that Grandma would move to us (she was living in an Alzheimer's clinic at the time of my aunt's death). As our home was not in a position for the arrival of Grandma, we began to build an apartment onto the house...which took us a great deal longer than we would have hoped, so despite the apartment being uncompleted, Mom felt it best to go ahead and bring Grandma home...which we did at the end of April. Since then, it has been a new journey. There have been moments of laughter and times to mourn. We have had to find a new normal and been stretched in new ways we did not expect to. God NEVER wastes anything or any season and has used Grandma in the lives of our entire family to grow us, reveal sin in us, sanctify us, challenge us, and press us more into the beautiful and perfect image of Jesus Christ. So yes, in a way this article surrounds Grandma, but it is really more about Jesus, His sovereign will, His enduring faithfulness, and the many and perfect tools He uses (as insignificant as they may appear), to chisel away the rough and fleshly parts of us so we can reflect His beauty and glory more brilliantly.
Caretaking means ministry It does. Caretaking is a ministry. It is a beautiful ministry; it is eternal if it is done with the right heart, but it is a ministry. A different aspect of ministry, but it is still very much a ministry. It means waking up before you feel ready, it means preparing 3 meals a day for someone who may or may not be appreciative, it means answering the same question multiple times, it means being sweet even when you are having a tough day, it means getting up to help with something even when you are in the middle of a project, it means ministry. It means setting aside something for the greater good of another. According to Webster's 1828 dictionary, "ministry" means "The office, duties, or functions, of a subordinate agent of any kind." When I chose to take God at His word and accept the payment of Jesus Christ's death on the cross for my sin, I was given a new identity, and the old power of the flesh was exchanged for the power of God; thereby, I was placed under new leadership. My choice of ministry is not my own, but it is divinely and lovingly charged to me. So, accept the ministry of caretaking. Accept it with joy, remembering that it is a holy calling and eternal in the sight of God. The ministry of caretaking is not more illustrious than others, nor is it "less-than". Some ministries are not obvious and in the open; some are the quiet, sanctifying choices that make us more like Jesus. So, personally, would I love well in the ministry of caretaking as Jesus would love. He came not to be served, but to serve and humbled Himself, the King of Eternity, to the form of a mere human man. If Jesus could serve in such a way, why should I, who have taken on the new identity of being in Christ, not do the same?
"So after He had washed their feet, and had taken His garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is set greater than he that sent him." John 13:12-16
It does, it so does! Dying to the old part of me called "self". Oh my goodness, the dying that caretaking requires! It means being embarrassed by loud whispers at inopportune times, it means choosing to pull out your earbuds and engage instead of remaining in your "me time", it means setting aside goals for the day to be available to fill needs, it means having a different schedule, it means that holidays and birthdays are no longer the same, it means taking longer to grocery shop, it means being misunderstood by others who have no concept (through no fault of their own) of what you are going through, it means loosing the grandmother that once was, it means patiently explaining a movie plot or a conversation, it means dying to that proud and illustrious thing that is called my flesh so that Christ may shine forth more brightly in me. It means choosing to set aside, to lose what is comfortable, what is natural in the flesh, so that another may benefit and be blessed. It is a wonderful and painful work. And believe me, the sin that the Holy Spirit reveals to you in caretaking! Caretaking does not cause the sin; it is not responsible; it is merely the tool that the Lord allows to reveal the sin that already resides in my fallen nature. Thus, I can be thankful for caretaking. I can humbly sit back and acknowledge that this was needful, it is needful, for the sin in me hinders a more sanctified servant, it hinders me from growing more like the image of Christ, and He knows how much further I have to die to grow.
"Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus...Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ...But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honor, and some to dishonor. If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honor, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work." 2 Timothy 2:1, 3, 20-21
A Saturday morning recently, I received the news that Mom and Hope were going to need to run an errand for some needed supplies for the house build. That meant my day was suddenly changed as I would have full responsibility of Grandma, and that morning I felt more like burying myself in a hole much less enter into full caretaking mode. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) is one of the Christian's clique verses. We put it on coffee mugs, stickers, Sunday School room walls, and bookmarks, but I never want to loose the relevancy and strength of those passages of scripture. It is the real and living word of God and can be claimed and trusted in for help. That was the passage I leaned upon that Saturday morning, clique though it may be, and I found it ready and strong enough to lift me up and support me through the day.
"And lest I should be exalted above measure...there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
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