I Shall Be Satisfied

Last year the Lord gave me a Rhema verse while I was going through a difficult season of pain and confusion. It was a scripture from Jeremiah. 

"And I will satiate the soul of the priests with fatness, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, saith the Lord." 

Jeremiah 31:14

The day before, the Lord had convicted me to commit to Him that, by His grace, I would only look to Jesus to be satisfied, even if He took all other earthly friends. It is when I take my eyes off Jesus that the world has an opportunity to creep in, I become distracted with temporal pleasures, or I allow stress to overtake the offer of God's grace. This morning, one of my scriptures was: 

"As for me, I will behold Thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness."

Psalm 17:15

Recently, I was starting a new (for me) historical BBC TV series I had checked out from the library. I had researched the show beforehand to make sure that there were not any inappropriate scenes or language and finding none, I was excited to discover a new, clean show. To my disappointment, I wasn't through the first few episodes when some language came up. I tried to rationalize with myself that if it happened again, I would turn it off, but the language continued and my conscience continued bothering me. At last, I realized that, by persisting to justify my show, I was exchanging intimate fellowship with Jesus for the temporal satisfaction I was receiving. I "canceled" the show and really, I haven't missed it. Jesus promises to satisfy us if our hearts are toward Him. I often act, although subconsciously, that I would be more satisfied with _________. Isn't the grace God has given to each of us enough? The intimate fellowship promised with the Holy Spirit? What about peace? We have already been given the only Source of true satisfaction. Jesus Christ. 

So today, deep down, I encourage you to search out and destroy the things that you think will satisfy you more than Jesus.

"Alone, O Gracious Love, but for Thee; I shall be satisfied if I can see

Jesus only.

        ~ E. Elliot

Family Life Update - September and October

 Hello, dear blog readers! 

There may be some of you who have been wondering if I have dropped off the earth based on the lack of my attention to this piece of my world. I assure you I have not fallen off a cliff and I have not forgotten that I have a blog. My world, in the last few months, has been a haze that has kept me very busy and quite frequently on my knees (either figuratively or literally). God is good...all the time and He continues proving His faithfulness in my life, even in the midst of this crazy, often stressful, and busy season. There have been several times when I have wanted to post here and even have sat down to do it on occasion, but my mental strength has been limited and although my heart is willing, my mind is often weak. My hope is to be here more frequently than I have been. =) 

Considering a picture is worth a thousand words, I will allow them to give a glimpse of my life over the last two months. 

Ella, Joel, and I out doing the weekly grocery shopping.

Hope and I heading to work cattle.

I made a second house apron for myself.

While out running some errands, I took some time to browse a local antique mall. A favorite pastime for me. 

We tiled our laundry room and so with our washer being out of commission, 
I hauled many loads of laundry to our Mission House next door.

Hope to work on designing our heifer sale pamphlet and I was being moral support.  

After videoing our sale heifers, we asked the videographer to take a family picture.
So, that is everyone, minus Emma who is currently living in Louisville with my grandmother.

Working on paperwork on a recent trip to my grandmother's.

A Thought for Today

Just a quick thought for the weekend. 

While chilling on Pinterest the other day I came across a pin that said:

"My future husband somewhere praying that I'm not dating anyone and the Lord is answering him."

I read it aloud to my mom who was standing nearby. She laughed and then said, "That is so sweet."Her words took me aback as I had seen the pin more on the pathetic and humorous side, not necessarily the sweet one, but mom's perspective convicted me. Isn't that what I really wanted, to just date the man I will marry? Absolutely! So, why would I pity myself (and want others to pity me too) if I'm currently not or haven't dated anyone else? Isn't that what I want for my future man, to wait just for me and not treat dating like a game? 

This season has been one of great need and so often my heart has cried out to the Lord for help and relief. Last week, I received this verse of comfort,

"...If any man thirst, let him come unto Me and drink."

John 7:37b

Jesus fulfills. He satisfies the longings of a soul and the thirstings of a heart. If you are in that season of waiting and wondering, keep your eyes on Jesus. Allow Him to fill your heart. After all, He made it, don't you think He knows the best way to satisfy it? 

Summer Life Update

Life has been full here at the Smith family headquarters, it is definitely and different season. We have had lots of fun, opportunities to extend grace, tears of grief or disappointment, sweet days of rest, and busy ones. God has taught me so much in these last months. They haven't been easy ones, but where stress and grief and sin did abound, grace abounded more (Romans 5:20). God is good.

At the end of July, I was the church counselor for our junior aged girls at camp. I had a fantastic group of 7 girls with me, including Ella, Leah, and our cousin Kate. The camp week was a blessing as I was able to mentally rest and catch up with friends at camp.

Such an awesome group of girls!

 Mom and I have done a great deal of traveling to my grandmother's in the last month as we have assisted her in some dietary changes. It has been a lot of computer work, meal planning, and cooking, but it has been wonderful to have extra time with her and Mom.

Computer work. I have loved using my grandfather's old office. 

Evening work with background music

Reading and research at night

Coffee date with my cousin/brother, Matthew while in Louisville.

Random life snippets.

Running an errand with Emma.

Leah and Joel doing history together

A little music before the younger's bedtime

Joel and I working English together

An evening walk

Visit with Belle. She not very photogenic. =)

Last weekend our family had our yearly vacation with Mom's family to eastern Kentucky. We rented cabins by a lake and enjoy the weekend fishing (my grandfather's favorite activity), having Sunday service together, playing games including a boat race, visiting, and eating. =) 

11 grandchildren and Grandma

Our family. We are blessed.

The Path of Loneliness Part 1 - The Beauty of Solitude

Back in the spring, I chose to use the word "solitude" as opposed to the word "lonely". I was reading a book on biblical principles through loneliness and a sentence caught my attention, "Turn your loneliness into solitude, and your solitude into prayer." The Holy Spirit convicted me that I had been using the label "lonely" as a salve for self-pity. Telling myself (or others) that I am lonely, can be very melodramatic and can sound rather heroic. I committed to change my frame of mind by no longer calling myself lonely but simply living in solitude and I have discovered there is great beauty in the solitude rather than the loneliness.

The word "lonely" implies a depression, feeling completely empty, lost, and unwanted. As believers, those who have put their faith in Jesus Christ alone for eternal salvation, we know that with Christ we are never alone or lost (Deuteronomy 4:31, 31:6, Psalm 27:10, 2 Corinthians 4:9, and Hebrews 13:5). "Solitude" has an almost serene sense about it as if it is a choice to step away from the craziness of life to get away by oneself and the Savior. Solitude still means being alone, but there is a peace that passes all understanding as we grow in maturity and knowledge of our Savior. I desire my life to be characterized by the fear of the Lord (a constant awareness of God's presence) and a quiet peace that comes from time spent in secluded prayer and communion with Jesus, as opposed to bustling social life and no characterization of personal quiet times with Jesus.  

There are differences I see behind the hearts of loneliness and solitude The first is that loneliness causes us to look ahead instead of living in the current season ("To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1 ). When we focus on our lack of social life or the rejection we have experienced, we often tend to become desperate, looking forward, begging with God to get us out of this hardship, instead of allowing God to do the good work in us that He desires to do. This principle can be applied to physical pain as well. When I clench up, grit my teeth and try to endure the coming wave of pain, it is worsened by my tenseness of body and emotions. Compare that to when I relax my body and allow the pain to wash over me. It is still pain, but the tautness of my body and nerves decreases as I allow the work of pain to do its job; as I thank God for the pain. Part of our walk as a Christian is to believe that Jesus Christ is sovereign over every part of our lives and that includes our social acceptance and interactions. He would not have sent the trial were it not for our good and He has so much He wants to teach us, but it is our decision of how we will utilize the season. Will we endure or will we abound? Commit to allowing the Lord to do His perfect work in your suffering of loneliness or rejection, instead of looking for the way out of the pain, and you will find a new joy as you walk in the will of your loving Heavenly Father.

The second point is very similar to the previous one but different in another way. Loneliness causes us to focus solely on ourselves, our pain, our experience, our rejection, our trouble. With this mindset, we miss out on experiencing the beauty of solitude that helps us focus on Jesus ("...we would see Jesus." John 12:21b). As my dad puts it, our world is very large, but when we focus on our loneliness our world begins to grow smaller and smaller until we are completely taken up in a selfish focus on our woes. We grow bitter as we dwell on our wilderness of loneliness and we miss out on being able to hear from the Lord as He teaches us about ourselves. We have time for self-examination that we can only do when we are alone. The Lord shows us truths about ourselves and He exposes sin or maybe a deeper understanding of how He made us. This is a gift from the Lord that, if used wisely, will bear great gain that will last into eternity. If we are focused outward more than inward, we miss out on delighting in the special love Jesus longs to pour out on us in our season of isolation and pain. Come to see the times of solitude as a great opportunity from the Lord to dive deeper in your relationship with Him. 

In closing, I want to be sure that I do not come across as "sugar-coating" the real emotional pain of loneliness and rejection. I have been there, I know it and there are many times when I just cry, but by God's grace, He shows me there is a deeper meaning to joy than in social relationships, events and acceptance by others. His love is greatest and there have been many times when I have just asked Jesus to wrap His arms around me and comfort me in a way that no one else could at the moment and He has come so close to me, meeting me in my pain. He hurts with me, but He brings the truth of His promises through His Word to my heart and comforts me with His presence and His truth. Being physically or emotionally alone is suffering, it is a wilderness, but as we change our viewpoint from our circumstances to our Savior, our suffering becomes a pathway that brings us closer to Christ and to being conformed more like Him.

The Path of Loneliness - Preface

This is a topic I have hesitated writing on for various reasons, but I have been blessed and encouraged by others who have willing to open up and be honest about the mutual struggle we share in the pain of loneliness and rejection. For reasons best known to the Lord, the path He has chosen as perfect for me is one of more quietness and solitude. Not, that my life per se is quiet, I live in a family of 10, but when it comes to social interaction or constant interaction with friends, that part of life for me is very small and I have had a fair share of hurt friendships and rejections as well, but they have caused me to turn to the Lord for help and healing. I am going into this subject very aware that there are many different types of rejection and loneliness and that my experiences are minuscule to the types of pain others have gone through. This post is not very eloquent, and the ones following will not be either, but it is my desire to uplift others with the encouragement I have received as well as to share the lessons the Lord has taught in me in times of my acutest loneliness. So let's get to it.

June and July 2020 Life Update

The last month and a half have been very full. Our family has walked through grief through the loss of my grandfather in June, it has been full of laughter as we have gone over memories, and it has brought a lot of change as we are experiencing many adjustments to life. It's hard. It has caused me to cry out to the Lord in a whole new way. I don't do well with the change and my flesh rebels against the interruption of the "normal" that is surrounding my life right now, but my faith is growing right along with the change and God is good.

Kentucky summers are always hot with high humidity and this season has been no exception with temperatures staying around the mid-90s and humidity percentage about the same! Thankfully we completed our heavy load of spring cattle vaccinating before the main heatwave arrived. Hay season was two weeks ago with cutting, raking, baling and wrapping. I love haying season! The smells, the sunburns (proof of hard work), the hard work, and the joy of a completed task. I didn't get to be involved in hay this year but am still apart in the heart.

Along with the heat though has been an abundance of scrumptious summer veggies and berries and so freezing and fermenting have been playing a big part in my schedule as well. The younger kids have been a huge help and are quite the experts in slicing cucumbers and zucchini. =) Wild blackberries grow in abundance around here and July is peak sweetness time, so we have picked and frozen a lot of berries and I tried my hand at blackberry jam! We have fermented sauerkrat, pickled beets and garlic, frozen zucchini, and yellow squash and have made a LOT of pickles.

My blackberry picking crew

Leah and Joel chopping vegetables

A real treat - an iced coffee!

An evening walk after it had cooled down

                                                                          Blessings!

Little Is Much...

I was texting with a friend about an upcoming event she and I were both going to be apart of. Due to a comment I made in which I had offered my services for whatever was needed of me, she replied, "Little is much when God is in it."

It got me to thinking about the truth of the title of that great hymn; the truth about being apart of the little things. The things no one else notices or thinks about. It's doing the obscure and sometimes what is looked down upon; the "little" roles in life.

When I lose sight of the greater purpose the Lord is working out in my life, I will become discouraged since I have become too focused on the "littleness" of my work. My current work will lose its purpose and thus its enjoyment.

My mother is a heroine. My mom was a top-grade student through grade school and college, she got a degree in marketing and she was apart of groups and organizations. She married a farmer from a prestigious family. 3 years later, she had a baby. Two years later, another, almost 3 years later another and everyone thought she was done. They were disappointed.

There are 8 children in our family. We are homeschooled from preschool through high school. My mom runs the business side of our farm including keeping track of bills, sending invoices, the fun tax work, and all the other areas that keep a farm business organized. She is my dad's helpmeet, never too busy to listen to him or encourage him with a hug (or kiss:). She is attentive to each of her children's needs, never too busy if we need a talk, snuggles, or a "Mom hug."

When I think of my mom, I don't think of her school grades, the organization she was on the board of, or the honors and accolades were given her. I think of her giving me a hug, just making sure I was doing alright. My mom has picked the "little things" to be the most important in her life.

In Matthew 26: 8-10, Jesus spoke about investing in the “little things” when He responded to His disciples rebuking the woman who broke her alabaster jar of ointment for Jesus.

“But when His disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying To what purpose is this waste? For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor. When Jesus understood it, He said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? For she hath wrought a good work upon Me.”

Jesus never looks down on what we do with a heart to honor and obey Him, no matter how small. What others see as making a "waste" of life by serving in obscure ways, Jesus sees it as a precious sacrifice and one that glorifies Him For me, choosing the “little things” may be different than yours, but all of us have that choice to make often, even daily.

I challenge you today, are the choices you are making popular or purposeful?

My Graddaddy 1939-2020

On June 10, 2020, a hole was made in our family. Not in hearts, but in our lives when my grandfather, Alan Fryrear was called to his heavenly home.

Some of my favorite memories of Granddaddy are sitting with him in "his room" and visiting about current events, our family, or our spiritual walks. Granddaddy would listen as I would share about where I felt God leading me in life and he would ask questions or advise me. Granddaddy and I are (our family emphasized the importance of continuing to use present tenses when talking about Granddaddy, never past. He is still a part of us.) both detailed oriented people and as my brother shared at the funeral, I loved it when I would meet Granddaddy's eye and we would share a look of mutual understanding as I covered details we both noticed.

Granddaddy and Grandma's heritage

Granddaddy was a passionate follower of Jesus Christ and it was a joy to watch him grow leaps and bounds in his faith in his later years. He loved to teach and see others grow. He delighted in the faith of his family and spent many hours encouraging us as we grew older, both physically and spiritually. At the end of the funeral service, my cousin used the Bible study notes in which Granddaddy has described the gospel to clearly share with many we knew weren't saved. It was an incredible tribute to Granddaddy's faith for his own words to be used to share the gospel with so many others.

Granddaddy and I last year

I had over 21 years with my grandfather and I am so thankful. He left a legacy through my beautiful grandmother to whom he was married to for 54 years, two amazing daughters, two handsome sons-in-law, and 11 grandchildren here on earth and 1 in heaven, that he got to meet first, as well as the countless others he influenced over his 81 full years of life.

Granddaddy and 5 of his 7 granddaughters 10 years ago

It is a hard season as we walk through loss, but as I have told several people, I am thankful. I am confident in my grandfather's salvation and he was ready to see his Savior. We serve a loving God.

All 17 of us at our annual vacation in 2017

My Heart Is Protected-Isaiah 27:3

"I the Lord do keep it; I water it every moment: let any hurt it, I will keep it night and day."

Isaiah 27:3

I don't even remember what had me reading in Isaiah on that particular day, but I came across Isaiah 27:3 and it touched my heart in exactly the way it needed it. This particular verse was a rhema to me that my heart was protected by God. It was such a moment of comfort and sweet peace for me with Jesus. He had my heart. He was protecting it. He watered it and held it in His hand as something too precious to hand over to another. 

I was in the middle of my summer away from home, and I was surrounded by many fellow staff members who either had a "significant other" when they arrived for the summer or, as it can often happen when you gather a large group of single Christian young people together, "interests" begin to form, and couples can begin to pair off. I was not one of those and I was feeling the loneliness that being in such situations can cause.

Then, I read this verse and my whole perspective changed! No longer was I unwanted, undesirable, and “single”. To my Heavenly Father, my heart is a treasure worth keeping and cherishing! He supplies everything that my heart requires, He nurtures it, He protects it with a jealous love, and is forever watching out for it with an everlasting love.

When I read that verse last year, and even as I write today, I am at peace knowing I have a Father Who’s chief joy is to carry my heart in His hands; He protects it!

Recent Life Recap

It is May already! That is hard to believe considered in many ways it still feels like March. It has been busy several months for our family, despite the quarantine, with lots of farm work in the warmer weather and finishing school for the year and supporting some family through some health struggles.

So since pictures tell a thousand words and I love pictures anyway...here is a Smith family update from the past few months!

We have lots of babies born at this time of year.

I love spring and all that it represents.

Working and weighting year-old calves. Joel's job is to push the cattle up the lane to be worked. He is a very hard worker.

Joel, Olivia, and I prepared to get up a group of cows and calves to sort.

1 of our 7 bottle babies. He's so tiny!

Joel and Dad weighing calves.

Dad and Mom looking over calves ready to ship.

We shipped a load of cattle up north a few weeks ago. After feeding them for months, the excitement was high as we loaded.

The truck.

Right before the cattle left, we gathered for a quick picture.

Teaching English to Joel. I've learned more teaching him than I remember from my own schooling! 

Daily laundry.

We celebrated Joel's 10th birthday this week!

It has been a wonderful few weeks of spiritual and physical grown for our family. It isn't easy, there are a lot of struggles as we grow together, but God is good and so there is never a wasted season.