I am a journaler. I love journaling! I began in 2012 and remained quite consistent throughout the next 3 years, but in, I think it was late 2015, my computer that I kept my entries on (yes, not wise to type your journal on a computer and not to copy off the entries. Learned that the hard way.) crashed and I was left with fragments of the last 3 years. So my journal remained blank for the year 2016, but at the beginning of the following year I decided to make it my goal that I would begin again and this time it was in a notebook. At first it was the resemblance of what my last journal entries were like, just frequent life updates, describing daily experiences, encounters and feelings. However, as time went on and I had to meet life on a deeper level, the entries began to morph. I still described funny moments and updates on the life of our family as well as others, but it took on more of a depth as I described my own deep feelings, my fears, hopes and dreams for the future, scriptures that had met my heart at pivotal moments, tears, prayers and so on. I have discovered that journaling helps me express my heart and process my emotions.
A few years back, I began journaling my time with the Lord. I have a book that covers the end of 2019 and into 2020, another little book that covers 2021 and I just got another journal to have for 2022. My entries are often short. They include the scripture that impacted me that day and sometimes I'll add some personal commentary or simply expound on how it touched my heart or convicted my spirit.
If you were to read my entry from January 19th, you would find the scripture passage from Acts 20:19
"Serving the Lord with all humility of mind..."
Recently I have been praying for the "tone" of Jesus. A gentle, pure, compassionate tone that would sprinkle all my words. We know that Jesus never responded to the needs of others in any way that was edged with irritation, malice, or a belittling tone. He viewed the crowds that demanded His attention, time and healing power with compassion and love (Matt. 14:13-14). As an older sister and daughter, I find there are many demands on my time and attention. My brain is constantly whirring with thoughts of responsibilities, goals I am attempting to reach, needs that I am trying to meet, ideas of what would be best for a certain area, the "holes" in the home machinery that need to be filled, and more. Laundry, meal planning, cooking, vacuuming, finishing the breakfast dishes, all of those vital needs that help keep a home running and I find that I am too often running over people with my tone and my "vibe". I move fast, too hurried, too set on my goals. I am constantly thinking and "moving efficiently" as we say in the Smith home, but am I meeting my sister with a smile? Stopping long enough to ask how a school day is going? I find that I too often leave off the simple "please" with an instruction or request. To hurried to stop, make eye contact and see the needs of the one to whom I am speaking, I rush on, intent on accomplishing my to-dos and what feels like the most vital need in that moment, but is that the most lasting need?
So my prayer from all this?
"Give me Lord, the tone of Jesus."
A gentle spirit, quiet and resting my hope and goals in my Savior. Willing to be poured out for my Lord and if that means not completing all that I had in my mind to, to rest my heart in His will. Casting all my stress and cares upon Him, willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus and looking toward my heavenly home where laundry does not exist, but the fruit of investing in individuals lasts forever.
